ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
