I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
