His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
