I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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