checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
