Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I intend to get homeless drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
