Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
