Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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