Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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