It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i now understand why vodka
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
