I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize