i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
this just has baby written all over it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
