just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
