You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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