that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
