After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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