She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize