i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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