I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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