yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
