that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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