This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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