i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
