new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
