oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Randomize
