i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
