She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
