I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
