butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
