I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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