Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
