Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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