how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
