i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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