cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
