Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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