I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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