I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
