I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
