You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
