so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
