Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
