she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize