I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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