I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
