it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
