so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
