Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
