I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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