I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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