I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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