You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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