I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
