I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
