My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
