Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
