She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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