Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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