I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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