hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize