I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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