so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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