hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
