I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So squirting runs in the family.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My dick has a subreddit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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