So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
