so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
