This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
