Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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